I visited the orthodontist today. Following the lead of Lindsay Lohan, my braces-straightened teeth are having a relapse. Thanks to pregnancy hormones and a total lack of retainer usage for the past 5 years or so, they're shifting. So I need a spring retainer. How youthful! The appointment was fine, it was the time I spent in the waiting room surrounded by moody, whiny teenagers that was bothersome. First off, I was the only one without an iPod, and that made me feel kind of old and very unhip. Secondly, it scares the daylights out of me that someday my sweet cuddly little Anderson will be a teenager. A pimply, cranky, ungrateful teenager. (Come on, no matter how good your parenting, everyone's teen will be cranky and ungrateful at some point. Pimply too, though that has not much to do with parenting.) They sat sulking, text messaging, iPod-fiddling, but most sadly.... pointedly parent ignoring. Because parents are LAME. The same parents that withstood the all night screaming marathons of your infancy, wiped your poopies, and gave up their money, their figure, and their sanity for your existence and well being- they become super LAME when puberty hits, maybe even sooner. This makes me very sad. But I tell you what, if Anderson even THINKS of sassing off to me like one surly, ratty haired little lady did to her mom ("mom, I don't owe you shit" was her response to her mother's reminder that she still owed her $50 for that cell phone to replace the iPhone she lost, so she was most certainly not receiving another $50 for "some new jean shorts")....well, I'll spank his retainered little butt into next week if that happens.
(And why she wanted new jorts is beyond me. Someone needs to pay more attention to her Teen Vogue or Seventeen or Sassy or whateverthehell snotty junior high school girls read these days- pretty sure jorts went out of mainstream fashion acceptability quite some time ago.)