Wednesday, December 30, 2009

43 days? for real?

Disclaimer: if you're growing tired of my every-tenth-post or so "OMG I'M HAVING A BABY" spaz outs, just skip this one and come back when I have it all under control. Like, say, the year 2013ish.

Bumblebee is coming in 2010. 2010 is coming in just over 24 hours. I have 43 days until my c-section. I start seeing my doctor once a week starting in 2 weeks. I have to see him weekly because that's what they DO when you're about to have a BABY. (But I'll keep mum on exactly what it is they DO every week, because that would be very TMI and scar some of you for life. I'll just say this- when heading down the baby having path and choosing an OB, take a good look at his/her hands. The smaller = the better.) Where was I? WEEKLY APPOINTMENTS. Home stretch. BABY. COMING. SOON. Safe to say, dear Interwebs, the panic button has been pressed and I could really use a drink. Or a cookie or twelve. And as per usual, some heavy duty antacid meds.

A few things precipitated today's state of near-hysteria.

#1: Hobby Lobby. Yes, the fluorescent lit kingdom of crafts strikes again. I walked in, looked to my right, and was stopped in my tracks by a huge wall of pink and red glittery heart shaped clutter. VALENTINE'S things. You know what happens just before Valentine's Day, people? C-SECTION AND A BABY HAPPENS.

#2: A mom at Target with two babies. One looked to be about two, the other about six months, and the mom ... well, she looked like she needed a bath really, really badly. And strong meds. The baby in the Bjorn was kicking and screaming, the bigger baby in the cart (in footie pajamas and rocking some serious bed head) was screaming AND shoving her finger up her nose. I offered an encouraging smile to the mom, and she looked from my face to my belly to my sweet Mister chomping Goldfish in the cart ... then back at my face with what I can only describe as fearful pity in her eyes. Those eyes were trying to tell me something. Like "YOU'RE TOTALLY UNAWARE OF WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET YOURSELF INTO! RUN! HIDE! TAKE THE GOLDFISH WITH YOU!"

#3: The biggie. A really horrific nightmare I had last night. So horrific that I woke sweating and panicked and had to go to Mister A's room and just touch him and when that wasn't sufficient, I poked him in the belly to make him move. Then when I'd ensured he was there and safe and not forcefully removed from our family (I'll get to that), I sat in the rocker in the corner and cried over the nightmare that sent me stumbling into his room at 3am in the first place. The nightmare started with J and I arriving at the hospital to have Bumblebee, Mister A in tow, because what nearly 17 month old wouldn't enjoy experiencing a c-section? Except when we got there, our car was swarmed by hospital personnel with a stretcher in tow. They removed my A from his car seat, strapped him down on the stretcher, blindfolded him, and started to wheel him off. I was screaming and my usually supportive J was MIA. (I'll bet he was playing with his new iTouch or something.) The evil hospital people told me this was how it worked- we had to trade A in for B. I protested and howled and bargained as tree leaves blew into my face and clouded my vision, but nobody would listen and they wheeled off my terrified baby boy. See? Horrible. It doesn't take a trained psychoanalyst to see the meaning behind that one, I suppose. But, damn. I thought the pre-wedding "I SHOWED UP WITHOUT MAKEUP!" dreams were scary.

I don't even know why I'm posting this, and half in caps, at that. I'm absolutely grateful, I'm certainly excited to meet my daughter, I'm beyond ready to be done with diabetes and barf burps and burning through eighty five rolls of toilet paper a week. I know we'll all get through this in one piece, the new normal will become just plain old normal. But for tonight, panic reigns. So I'll eat pizza and watch something totally unrelated to babies, then I'll go to sleep hoping for sweet dreams and a calmer state of mind come tomorrow morning. And some encouraging comments from the moms of 2 or more wouldn't hurt, either, even if you have to make something up. Like, say, "it's so easy! You'll love both babies the same! Your hair will get washed! You'll fit into your skinny jeans by March!" Or other important things like that. If you'd like to tell me to run and hide and take the Goldfish with me, well then, keep that to your (crazy unshowered) self.


EJW said...

I have two, ages 3 years and 3 months and it's not that hard. Little babies are so easy, they sleep all the time and don't really need a lot of stuff. A couple of diapers and a sling (plus boobs, of course) and I can go anywhere. Throw in a sippy cup and a snack for the (potty-trained) 3yo and we can make a day of it!

I suspect it gets harder when they're both mobile or both in diapers or both teenagers!

Tabatha said...

I'm not a mom of two, but I just wanted to suggest that you stay away from Hobby Lobby. At least until after Valentine's Day.

Harmony said...

Aw, I can totally relate. I'm still 7 months away from Baby # 2, and I'm already crying when A has his bottle at night because I'm so sad to be giving up my time with just him! But I know it will all work out for both of us, and both of our A's will be amazing big brothers, and we won't be able to imagine life without our # 2's :)

The Barron's said...

I am relate to how you are feeling. I am not even close to having this baby and I have already begun to freak out. Everytime Austin acts up I think, "how in the world am I going to handle TWO??!!" We will survive! You are going to be such a great mommmy.

Candice said...

Well, I don't have two, but it seems as your doing a great job with A. Bumblebee and A will be very fortunate to have you as a momma and I'm sure you'll figure it out.

Cari said...

Ooh, I can weigh in here! Will and Avery are 20 months apart. When I was pregnant with Avery I had the EXACT same worries as you. All I can say is, you are doing the most wonderful thing you can do for Anderson by giving him a sibling.

I remember sitting in Will's rocking chair rocking him to sleep, 9 months pregnant with Avery, silently crying about what I thought I was taking away from him. It turns out that I wasn't taking anything away, I was giving him the lifelong gift of a sister. He loves Avery so much. When they laugh together, or he gives her a kiss so gently on her head, or a hug before bed, I feel SO BLESSED that I think my heart my burst. This is what you have to look forward to!!

I also worried that I wouldn't love baby #2 as much as baby #1. All I can say is, it's normal to worry, but you'll look back a few months from now and smile with a newfound wisdom -- the wisdom of LOVE and how incredibly infinite it is.

You will be able to shower. While Avery is taking her morning nap, I bring Will into the bathroom with some toys and take my shower. Or I do it when they're both napping in the afternoon. It is possible to look great with young kids! I always try to feel good about how I look when I leave the house...just because I'm caring for 2 kids doesn't mean I should give up caring about myself!

Now fitting into your skinny jeans, well I can't really comment on that, as I'm not quite there yet. But I will be soon!

Having 2 under 2 isn't easy. But it isn't ever boring either...and most of the time, it's quite fun.

I miss you SO MUCH, and I'm so excited for you guys!! Trust me, you're going to look back and have a hard time remembering what life was like when Bumblebee wasn't here :)

sarah said...

Well considering my kids will be FOUR years apart (and that brings plenty of its own massive horrors), I can't help you with the 2 under 2 thing. But what I can say is that you're really lucky they'll be so close in age because they truly will be best buds. That's so cute and they'll appreciate having a sibling they can confide in one day. Hang in there! And spaz out when you have to (it helps, right??). :)

Sara said...

Did you notice how I haven't commented yet? OK, it's not necessarily because I'm one of the crazy unshowered types (though that very well may be true), but because having 2 children under 3 with colds (not to mention the fact that I'M sick, but nobody really cares about that) has rendered me incompetent to blog recently and I just saw this post this very minute. I know. I suck in the "reassuring friend" department...

I'm not gonna sugar-coat it: Many days I want to run screaming for the hills (with my goldfish in tow), but somehow we adapt and somehow we survive... and then quietly chuckle at those mommies of 1 in Target who are having such a rough time... just like we laugh at our pre-kid selves who watched Judging Amy all day but still couldn't manage to get the laundry done.

And you're going to do great - I swear you will! After the sleep deprivation wears off, you'll look at A in one arm and B in the other and swoon over your perfect, precious babies. They're lucky to have such a strong, loving mama! And when the rough spots hit, remember that I'm only a fence away and always ready to commiserate with a glass (or bottle) of wine.

Besides, you really don't have to worry about all this. I know for a fact that you would never grace Target unshowered (Walmart, we won't talk about...) OR let A or B out of the house with bedhead and boogerfingers. And I also know you're going to be back in those damn size 4 Abercrombie pants before you leave the hospital.

Amy said...

holy mother of god...that's a horrible dream. i started to struggle for air just thinking about my sweet luca in place of mister a. i'm sorry you had such a terrible nightmare!

as a mother of two, who are 14 months apart, it is hard but WILL GET EASIER!!! you'll have good days and bad. and before you know it the good days will be outweighing those bad days. and even on the worst days, you can eat as many cookies and drink as much alcohol as needed with no justifications needed to the ob or lab tech drawing your blood!

Lisa said...

Mmm… yeah. So, it is hard. But you will love it. You’ll look at that sweet little girl and watch your sweet little A give her a kiss and think to yourself, “how could I have ever been scared?” and you will love that you are giving the two of them a sibling that they’ll have long after they’re interested in Mommy and Daddy. You may have to start showering at night (with a glass of much-deserved wine with you in the bathroom), because that’s the only time you will get to yourself. That is, if you’re lucky and your two go down easily. You might lock yourself in the bathroom pretending you have to pee, but really just needing a break. You probably will look at the clock and see that it's 1:00 and you haven't eaten something yet (unless you count the half eaten graham cracker you found under the couch). But, really, you’ll figure it out. You’ll laugh at how busy you thought you were when you just had one newborn. You’ll be proud of yourself when you manage to get everyone dressed and packed up and out the door in under an hour, and you’ll feel more like a family than ever before. Soak up these days with little A, but don’t be sad, because it truly is about to be even better.