2. if my kids weren't on their 2nd round of antibiotics in two months after not being sick virtually all winter long because HELLO IT'S SPRING NOW.
3. if the meteorologist didn't just say "trace of snow" when forecasting our evening weather because then I wouldn't want to go down to the station in my pajamas and PUNCH HIS FACE.
4. if maybe the weather wouldn't be an uncooperative mess, like, all the time, then get really nice on the exact day I'm scheduled to fly out to someplace warm because that KEEPS HAPPENING.
5. if teen moms didn't get all crazy because their baby daddies were totally "JUST CHILLIN". Totally not "just going through withdrawls". Did you guys watch 16&P this week? Did you stare at the TV in disbelief and will that poor, stupid child to please please please choose the gift of adoption for her baby, and NOT to that crazy baby eater poodle woman, but to some really nice people who have jobs and brains and don't have serious sweaty drug withdrawl issues? Poor baby Areola. Or whatever. Dear Teen Moms, or actually Dear Any Moms, here's a hint: if you have to chase baby daddy down the street as he flees on a bicycle with his sweaty red clown hair flapping in the wind to avoid accompanying you to the hospital to birth your bebe, he's maybe going to suck as a dad.
Grumble grumble grumble.