Friday, April 27, 2012

a california quickie

The sunnies.  They've barely left her face since we got here, and they're upside down 3/4 of the time.  They only add to her fabulousness.

Baby's first Jamba Juice.  She slammed it, then spent an hour sugar drunk.  Which was hilarious.  "Hee hee ha ha ha!  IT SO FUNNY, MOMMY!"

The first thing Vivi said to me on our first morning here  ..... "we go shopping now, mommy?  I like shopping.  I need new clothes."  My heart, it swelled with pride.  And so, we shopped.  For the record, I had to pry the sequined bag from A's hands.  I'm pretty laid back in the apparel department, but I'm thinking a dude with a sequined bag in the northwoods is asking for a wedgie.

They have the too cool SoCal kid act nailed, no?

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

stones, glass houses, you know?

hey, bug, say cheese while i take a fake picture of you for snarky blogging purposes!
good boy.
Hey, fifty-plus-old woman on the plane?  Before you go throwing the stink eye at my three year old every time he moves two inches or drops a crayon or raises his voice above a whisper or says "who tooted, mama?  You tooted?  Thum-one tooted." ..... maybe remember HE'S not the one who went in public today with purple feathery hair, teal eye shadow, and a head to toe burnt orange outfit?  If anyone has anything to be embarrassed about here, it's most definitely not the impeccably styled three year old acting as well behaved as a superexcited three year old strapped to a chair for four hours can act.

The twelve hour trip from our garage to Mommo's living room went as well as ever.  Bug spilled his Cheerios twice before we'd even reached our mailbox, we missed the valet* parking entrance at the Minneapolis airport not one but TWO times (the first time ending up instead on the 9th level rooftop parking lot, which is as far from valet as you can possibly get, I'm pretty sure), and I had a heart attacky five minutes just before boarding time where I thought we'd lost Teddy somewhere between security and gate G11 (turned out he was hiding underneath a chair a few rows over and I pretty much almost squeezed the stuffing right out of him when finally he was found) (which made people look at me funny) ... but all in all?  They're good little travelers, these two.  They used their manners, they sociably chatted up the twenty two different people who approached us in the food court to ask about "the twins", the girl one took a luxurious nap inflight, and they couldn't have been one ounce happier to see their Mommo when we landed in OC.  And?  It's currently 6:45am pacific time, which is nearly 9am at home, and they're STILL SLEEPING.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  (Please let that continue.)  They make their mama proud, these two.
one of my kids is a total morning person.
and one of my kids notsomuch.
but thanks for the faked enthusiasm, v!
a few seconds before i realized teddy was mia.
did i mention HEART ATTACK?!
a little bit of play-doh goes a long way.
likesuchas the floor, the seat, the window, her hair, her leggings....
i don't even care, look how quiet!
*I don't throw "valet" out there like I'm all super fancy or something, because pretty sure the valet guys threw up in their mouth having to park my Cheerio covered, door dinged, clothe seated (gasp!) mommymobile** amongst all their finer charges.  Just not sure how else you'd expect me to get two kids, a double stroller, three suitcases, two carry ons, and one beast of a Britax from the baggage claim to, say, the 9th level rooftop parking lot solo?  Imposible!

**My new mommymobile?  Perfectly equipped for the family of five (plus dog plus double stroller plus etc.)?  Will be waiting when I get home.  SQUEEEEAL!  It'll probably still be Cheerio covered and door dinged a few weeks in, but can I get a woo-hoo for a new ride, anyway?  And also an EEK that we're close enough to being a family of five to necessitate a vehicular upgrade?  EEK.

Friday, April 20, 2012


Anderson & Vivian.  9:00am.  iPhone on the left, iPad on the right.

Come 9:00pm?  That's J and me.  Except I weigh 500 pounds more than Vivian.  And J rarely uses a sippy anymore.

Oh, hi, don't mind me.  I just turned into a 17 year old when you weren't looking.  Today, you guys?  She got mad at me (for mentioning it was lunch time, HOW DARE I?!) and she stomped off into another room and slammed the door behind her.  And then I stood there in the kitchen thinking "I'm going to have three teenagers in the house at one time someday."  And then I thought "OMGWINE."

Thursday, April 19, 2012

things that would be awesome

1. if I could hear out of my ears, because that would mean my head wasn't packed full of boogery fluids, because that would mean I don't have my third cold in three months and feel LIKETOTALSHIT.

2. if my kids weren't on their 2nd round of antibiotics in two months after not being sick virtually all winter long because HELLO IT'S SPRING NOW.

3. if the meteorologist didn't just say "trace of snow" when forecasting our evening weather because then I wouldn't want to go down to the station in my pajamas and PUNCH HIS FACE.

4. if maybe the weather wouldn't be an uncooperative mess, like, all the time, then get really nice on the exact day I'm scheduled to fly out to someplace warm because that KEEPS HAPPENING. 

5. if teen moms didn't get all crazy because their baby daddies were totally "JUST CHILLIN".  Totally not "just going through withdrawls".  Did you guys watch 16&P this week?  Did you stare at the TV in disbelief and will that poor, stupid child to please please please choose the gift of adoption for her baby, and NOT to that crazy baby eater poodle woman, but to some really nice people who have jobs and brains and don't have serious sweaty drug withdrawl issues?  Poor baby Areola.  Or whatever.  Dear Teen Moms, or actually Dear Any Moms, here's a hint: if you have to chase baby daddy down the street as he flees on a bicycle with his sweaty red clown hair flapping in the wind to avoid accompanying you to the hospital to birth your bebe, he's maybe going to suck as a dad. 

Grumble grumble grumble.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012


And if that isn't adorable enough, this certainly is - when I leave the house lately, he insists on kissing the baby belly goodbye.  And yesterday he added a "bye, baby sister!  You be good for yo' mommy, otay?  Eat yo' wunch allllll gone!"

His challenging moments are still frequently .... um, REALLY challenging ..... and at least a few times a week, you'll find me behind my bathroom door counting to ten and breathing deep, preparing to emerge and deal with whatever it was that so frustrated me in the first place in an appropriate manner.  But these other moments are shining through more and more as the "Terrible Two and a Halfs to Three and a Halfs" simmer down.  I'm seeing more glimpses of a soft hearted boy who wants to see everyone around him happy, who understands consequence, who is the first to hear little sister wake up in the morning and rush toward the stairs to get her up, who wants to help in the kitchen and the grocery store and the yard and is actually often ... semi-helpful!  He's a work in progress, my boy, but aren't we all?

Sunday, April 15, 2012


19 weeks, yesterday.  My (tbd) c-section date in week 38 means baby girl is halfway there.  Halfway here.  Halfway, whatever.  (BABY GIRL!  I'm still feeling giddy.)

I celebrated the halfway marking occasion by making a voyage to babyGap, where I purchased .... pretty much nada for baby girl.  In fact, I walked out with some summer gear for Bug, one basic item for V's wardrobe, and some very practical packets of onesies for #3.  (But they were PIIIIIIIINK!)  I have a feeling the selection will be more bountiful on our upcoming trip to California.......

Friday, April 13, 2012

well, you know, it's still a surprise at 19 weeks.

So .... that whole Team Green thing?  Where we were waiting for the birth day to find out if it would be a baby brother or a baby sister rounding out our family of five?  Not so much on the wait part.  We're just not the wait and see type, it seems.  We went into yesterday's ultrasound fully intending to NOT find out, but I'd given one small concession to my dyyyyyying to know husband as we sat in the waiting room discussing this topic once more (time one billion and five, approximately) - we'd have the tech print out the money shot, seal it in an envelope, and hand it over.  I'd drive it directly to my parents' cabin, hide it, and hope J forgot about it or a bear snuck in and ate it or something (COULD HAPPEN).  But if not, and if we decided we just had to know (like, such as, if there were to be a mega sale at babyGap I just couldn't pass up) ... we could retrieve the info and find out the big news.

The ultrasound was 45 minutes long, and we didn't ask for the info.  We were pretty distracted, anyway, with the real point of the whole thing - watching all the movement and listening to the tech describe each view and breathing a sigh of relief as all the biggies got the okay (it has a brain!  Yays!)  But then, at the end, the tech turned the screen away and told us not to look while she printed off the telltale shots.  Then, not finding an envelope in the exam room in which to hide the printouts, she stepped out to track one down.  And we sat there in the dim room, grinning like fools and admiring the profile shots she'd printed off, sharing our relief that all looked well and our awe at how big the baby was already.  And then, J nonchalantly glanced at the screen, then snapped his head away, and said "uh .... don't look if you don't want to know!  She left the CROTCH SHOT UP!  OMG WHAT DO WE DO?!?"  He hadn't seen the "goods", but the legs and arrow were clear as day.  I busted out laughing, and we just stared at each other.  I thought about pushing the machine against the wall, but with my luck I'd knock it over and break it to bits and owe my healthcare provider twenty bazillion dollars (or my thirdborn).  So we waited.  Stared at each other some more.  I giggled a lot.  Waaaaaiting.  Where did she go to get that freaking envelope, WAUSAU?  DearGod!  Tick tock.  Tick tock.


So I looked.  And it was clear as day.  It's a...................

Honestly?  I LOVE that we know.  I would've loved it if we waited, too, but I think in my heart I just wanted to know.  And I am SO FREAKING EXCITED.  Would've been excited either way, obviously, but there's just something about sisters.  You know?!?  Vivi gets a SISTER, yall!  And Bug gets .... huh .... one on one man trips to Menard's?  Vivi for the win.


Thursday, April 12, 2012

hi, baby!

Meet baby number three.  Hand sucking, leg stretching, busy number three.  Who didn't stop moving the entire 45 minutes we were watching.  Who, it appears, has all the right parts in all the right places working all the right ways.  Who already has our hearts in his/her tiny little perfect hands.  

Monday, April 9, 2012

in which i cry about many things

........and then Sunday was the kind of day where J and I locked ourselves in our bedroom for a moment and gave each other the "HOW MANY MORE DAYS UNTIL COLLEGE?!?" face.  And also the "OHHOLYCRAP WE'RE HAVING ANOTHER ONE?!?" face.  Because after the Target fun finds and the well behaved lunch out and the picture-perfect domestic child rearing bliss that was Saturday, Sunday was a hot mess.  Two kids up well before normal wake up (yes, even Princess SleepsALot), one kid who threw his Easter basket in a bratty, pouty tantrum because it didn't contain enough candy for his liking, and fit after fit after fit.  All.  Day.  Long.

Monday?  Not so much better, thus far.  They were both up at the crack of dawn once again (WHY?!), I'm tired and have the eye bags to prove it, I feel like I weigh half a ton, and my granola bar gave me heartburn so bad you'd have thought I ate fiery hot salsa for breakfast.  I'm feeling emotional, to the point that a supportive voice mail from my mom made me cry and realizing my car keys were upstairs after we were all already downstairs made me cry and hearing the Eminem song from my college hockey cheer team days in the car made me cry (I was so skiiiiinnny!  and it was so funnnnnn!  and we lost ourselves in the moment we owned it we were never going to let it go we only had one shot!)  Oh, and?  It's cold.  Like February cold, or at least not balmy spring warm, but it doesn't even matter just exactly how cold because it's too cold to go play outside and I've already forgotten WHAT, exactly, I'm supposed to do with my kids all afternoon if playing outside isn't an option.

Cry, maybe?

Saturday, April 7, 2012

a little easter

These days won't last, I know they won't.  Bug won't be three and Miss Bee won't be two and NamelessNumberThree won't be fluttering around inside of my belly and these days will be long ago memories.  These littles won't jump up and down at the sight of little plastic cups of egg dye, won't run to their little table clapping their little hands and stop a foot away to hug each other because they're just so excited they can't stop themselves from squeezing each other tight.  Bug won't sit perched on his chair in his elmopants pulling an egg out of orange dye after three seconds, then ten seconds more, then five seconds more to see if it's changing yet ... and he certainly won't allow me to photograph him in his elmopants all that much longer.  Vivi won't be diaper clad and barretted, won't ooh and aah over a plain old boiled egg turned pink because, you know, "IS PINK!"

They're pretty much magic, these little days.  Sad, almost, if you allow yourself to go there.  To pause it and take it in and actually grasp ahold of the throat-lumping realization of how fast they're growing and how soon they'll grow up, lose interest, and then .... go.  Wasn't it a minute or two ago I was perched on Grandma Rita's wiggly bar stools between my cousins, dipping eggs just like these, jittery with the idea that when we slept that night, a bunny was going to hop through with a plastic bucket of treats?  Can it really be that twenty plus years have actually gone by?  And so, in that same minute or two, it will be my babies grown and gone and dipping eggs with diapered and elmopantsed littles in living rooms too far away.  (Or maybe right next door.  Where I'm invited over daily.  I can dream, no?)

But for today?  I enjoyed every blissful second of dying eggs with the babies turned toddlers turned ... well, kids.  (KIDS, you guys, they're KIDS!)  Even the seconds when red dye spilled over the table and down my leg, really, even those seconds I'll hold dear.  They're little, they're joyous, they're wide eyed and big hearted and at least for a few more moments, they're all mine-oh-mine.  (And J's, duh, but you know.)
if you think that bunny barrette was a coincidence, you're mistaken.
you also must be new here.
happy easter, internet!
love, a & v

Friday, April 6, 2012


Nothing good comes out of giving Miss V sugar.  See?

Sugar coma chocolate smear face.  She spent the ride home from egg hunt #2 of the season going "Ineedanap, Ineedanap, Ineedanap, VIVINEEDANAP WHERE MAH LOVEY?!?"  Then?  After we got home, not ONLY did Vivi not nap, but she spent "nap time" in her crib screaming out the ABCs and pounding her feet against the wall and counting backwards from 3 then yelling "BLASTOFF".  Which, of course, woke up the kid who was sleeping, so they were yelling through the wall at each other until I finally forfeited the whole ordeal.  Fun times!  Not like I was tired at all from a long morning out, and also not like I had a job to do or anything.

So glad I decided on candy-free Easter baskets this weekend.  The bunny decided, I mean.  He also decided it was time to break down and buy the kids each a pair of character pajamas.  You guys?  No offense, but the character clothes make me gag.  But every time we go to the store, A & V spot the character pajamas, and every time, mean mom says no.  So pretty sure they're going to flip on Sunday morning.  And nap on Sunday afternoon, because again, NO CANDY.  Because again, SANITY.

Actually, it seems nothing good comes out of giving me sugar, or any solid foods that aren't, like, lettuce.  I had an OB checkup this morning.  I've gained 7 pounds in a month.  IN A MONTH.  Effbomb.  I don't know why I'm surprised, I gained 50 with each kid so far and that was on a freaking gestational diabetic diet for the last 15ish weeks, forshitssake!  Alas, I held out hope that this time, chasing a 2 year old and a 3 year old and an increasingly demonic puppymoose and eating reasonably minus the occasional (SIZE SMALL) Blizzard treat would keep the excess weight at bay.  Nope.  Turns out I'm just a gainer, so see you in September, Jillian Michaels!  It's so on.

Time's up.  Anderson just woke up from his nap, came downstairs, and asked me if we could watch A Baby Story.  Cute.  Weird, but cute.

Monday, April 2, 2012

thirty one

Well, people, I'm officially in my 30s.  I didn't consider myself in my 30s when I was a mere 30, I was only 30!  I'd just turned 30!  I was so young.  No longer.  I feel like I'm on a one way fast track staring down 40 now.  Wah wah wahhhhhh.

If I had to turn 31, though, at least it was an enjoyable day.  Well, after church.  I'm trying to get us back in the churchgoing habit.  Our church has no childcare, you see.  (I know.  Gasp.)  Ever tried to get a 3 and 2 year old to sit quietly for an HOUR?  Without medicating?  Yeah, it's super fun and not at all distracting.  (Not.)  Anderson lasted about 12 minutes before J took him out (out of the church, not like "took him out").  Vivi hung in there through communion, but by "hung in there" I mean she kicked her shoes off, crawled around on the floor, tried to deface a Bible with crayons, and clapped her hands after every reading and song and exclaimed (in her outside voice) "YAY!  All done now!"  Sigh.

But we went.  And after that, my birthday was nice.  A three hour nap-a-thon and later, a cat themed birthday party.

OMG KIDDING.  It wasn't actually a cat themed birthday party, it was grilling and cake with the family.  (What if it WAS a cat themed birthday party for a 31 year old woman?!?  Would you seriously ever come back to my blog again?!)  It just so happened, totally coincidentally, that my dad decided this was the day to deliver the cat tree house he and my mom had gifted our cats.  The real present was about 1/100th this size and came in a little blue box.  LOVE!

I also love sharing my birthday (week) with my cousin, Robbie.  We didn't love it so much as kids, the whole cake and attention sharing thing.  There's a classic picture somewhere of the two of us pouting over our shared Easter bunny cake.  And another one pouting over our coordinating Bert & Ernie cakes.  But now, it's all good.  We even got separate non-coordinating cakes this year, thanks to his super wife Jackie!
1980-something.  '85?
I'm the baldish midget in the middle eying my presents.
Next year we'll both have babies in the picture! 
i love them better than cat cake, even.