I'm glad he didn't hurt himself. (Ain't nobody got time for an ER trip.)
I'm equally glad he didn't do this to his sister. (Because then, BOARDING SCHOOL.)
I'd be even MORE glad if J hadn't been working late last night, if I hadn't been exhausted by a long day of "no" and "time out" and "OMG I SAID NO" and struggling to get three overtired, overheated kids to bed on my own, if I hadn't forgotten the ^&*%$#@ scissor on the bathroom countertop, if he hadn't done THIS to his perfectly summer blonde, perfectly wavy head of hair:
Kids do these things. It will grow back. I'll learn to love (uh, tolerate?) the buzz cut I'm giving him after school. And yeah, I sent him to school like that. Walk of shame, baby. Walk. Of. Shame.