Oh, yall, I am so tired. Tired in general, because it's Friday and that marks day five of the work week and the work week, over here in SAHMville, means I've done a whole lot of Cheerio sweeping and butt wiping and FakeTwin brawl breaking upping ..... so I'm tired. As are you, my SAHM friends who've done the same, and you, my working mom friends who've been go-go-going all week long (in real, non-leggings pants!), and you, my ..... other kinds of friends. We're all tired.
But more specifically, today, after seeing the topic come up for the eighty billionth time this week on my Facebook feed, I'm tired one thing in particular. Tired of being told I'm a bully, a child-damager, a BAD MOM for hurrying my kids along. I don't always hurry them, case in point being this exact lazy Friday morning when the FakeTwins are contentedly lazing around with bed head and unbrushed teeth and a box of cereal passed between them while we build a Little People town. We've got nowhere to be and nothing to do and they can dawdle the whole darn day away, if they'd like. We started off like this and haven't moved far from it:
But sometimes? On school days and errand days and the like? We hurry up. We're running late for school (again), we've been in the cereal aisle at the grocery store for so long the cereal might expire before we just choose our freaking cereal already, we're all taking twelve minutes to get our underpants on when really, NOBODY NEEDS TWELVE MINUTES TO GET THEIR UNDERPANTS ON! Sometimes? Kids need to be hurried! That's okay! I am not a bully for teaching my kids that tardiness is disrespectful. I am not damaging them by asking them to put their shoes on in a timely manner the first time I ask. I am not some big bad mom for politely requesting, after ten minutes of hemming and hawing upstairs, that Vivi just choose a princess dress and get down here, already. I'm not missing out on ALL THE THINGS because sometimes I worry about development or push them a bit harder when I (supposedly) should be just letting them do as they do in their very own special snowflake time. And I'm tired of being told I am doing it wrong. I'm tired of this, and I'm tired of this whole "let's all raise little narcissistic assholes" movement. Tired of being made to feel that looking at my iPhone in the backyard is some grievous error in parenting. Because it's not some terrible thing to take a minute here and there for myself. It's okay for my kids to know they aren't the WHOLE WIDE WORLD. Yes, they're my world, or at least a big huge portion of it (them, and the husband, and the cats, and the God, and the wine) (not necessarily in that order). But the whole world isn't going to watch and applaud every time they go down the slide. Sorry, nope. They should enjoy doing it for the simple enjoyment of DOING it! The whole world isn't going to wait with an indulgent smile while they putz down the aisles of the hardware store with the wobbly wheeled kid sized carts and hold up the rest of the customers who have places to be. Keep moving, kid! The whole world is going to expect that they give as much as they take, they show up on time, they can't always do as they please when they please. Isn't that an important part of my parenting job, really? To ready them for the real world, that place of deadlines and expectations and necessary selflessness? The other part of my job, the part where I make our home a place of fun and safety, where I coddle them and snuggle them and cheer when they master the monkey bars and read them every story on the bookshelf doing the story character voices JUST as they like? Where I refill the bathtub with warm water when the first batch has gone cool, so they can play more, despite how tired I am and how much I'd like to be downstairs doing the dishes so I can get into bed early and watch Bravo? Where I let them stay up just a little past bedtime because they smell so sweet all freshly washed and pajama clad, snuggled up beside me watching their favorite bedtime show? I love those parts! I really do! But I'd be amiss, I think, to make those the ONLY parts. To slow down always, worry never, throw my iPhone into the trash.
There's a happy medium, we all know that. But this week, when one particular "OMG WARNING YOU'RE RUINING THEM" article has popped up time and time again when I do steal that hard-earned minute to go online ..... it feels like we're getting unbalanced. And I'm not so naive that I think posting this little rant on this little no-name blog of mine will make any difference. But it had to be said, if only for my own peace of mind, that there's nothing bad about balancing the dallying with the hurrying. I like to think my kids will thank me one day, when they HAVEN'T just lost their job because their boss has had it with them showing up ten minutes late because, you know, there were FLOWERS TO SMELL. When they don't have to then move into my basement because they NOW HAVE NO JOB and they're depressed because they've got nothing to do but sit down there stewing in their resentment that I didn't teach them to, you know, HURRY UP AND GET TO WORK ON TIME. Or someshit.
You're welcome, kids.
cute kid, tiny dress
2 days ago