Thursday, April 25, 2013


As a stay at home mom of preschool-age kids, I feel like my days, nearly all day and nearly every day, are "no" days.  No, no, no, no, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO!  No, you can't have puffy marshmallows for breakfast.  No, you can't go on an airplane right now.  No, you can't ride back in the "doggy part" of the Suburban.  No, I will not take you to the candy store RIGHT NOW.  No, you can't touch the dog's butt (WHY?)  No.  NO!

Sometimes, I just want to be the yes lady.  Yes, yes, yes, by all means, YES!  Today was a "yes" day. Just me, my girls, and my Vivi's whims.  Yes, you can eat your breakfast on the couch.  Yes, we can paint our toenails.  Yes, you can watch a second Olivia.  Yes, you may water the plants all by yourself.  Yes, by all means, load up a few books and your snack cup and your stuffed piggy and your favorite baby and put them all in your baby stroller and yes, let's go on a walk.  Yes, I'll wait while you run upstairs and change.  Yes, darling girl, that is a PERFECT fancy dress for a walk around the neighborhood.  Yes, I'll put your crown (headband) on.  And on our walk, we stopped and smelled flowers.  We turned when she wanted to turn.  We ended up at the fishy pond and we looked at fish until she was good and ready to be done.  Yes, Vivi, I love you so much, too.  Yes.

And yes, Mabes, you're a total doll.  Always.

Monday, April 22, 2013

moving up

Um, what?
Yeah.  That happened.  I mean, we removed the baby and installed the seat into the vehicle, not just that we let her sit in it in the garage like that.  It was time to change.  Because the baby is big.  Still not too big for some of her six month clothing and still not sleeping through the night five nights out of seven and totally not wearing an 18 month hat like Anderson was at her age, but still .... big.  Too big to haul around in the infant seat any longer, that much is for sure.  Because last time I tried I cracked Vivi in the head with it and then knocked the Starbucks tip jar onto the floor right after that.

Oh, and V's ear is infected.
"ol' lovey mouth", we call her.
my dad calls it her "crusty".
she does not approve.
Again?  Still?  LIKE I KNOW.  I'm not a pediatrician!  Though I should've been, because I'd be saving some MAJOR BANK.  Just the small issue of, you know, pretty much failing biology.  And all the other sciency-ologies.  I do know Walgreens only had half of the necessary medication and just that HALF cost me just shy of $50 and all of this took like FOREVER to figure out (at nap time) ..... so, you know, woo-hoo Monday!

And this is the scene you'd have found if you stopped by around 6pm tonight.  Which I'm glad you didn't because the baby was naked and there was banana smeared on my pants and sharty underpants in the guest bathroom and everyone was all like "OMGCRAZYOMG!"  Until I gave them the iPad, that is.  iPad, my hero, my better half.


Saturday, April 20, 2013


I also forgot to tell you we went to California.  Just in case you cared and/or missed it on Instagram and Facebook (I have a problem, an internet sharing problem).

So, yes.  California.  We came, we saw, we ate 5,938 calories a day.  Here's 500 pictures I organized into collages while hiding from my kids in the bathroom.


Yall.  Just .... oh my.  It's been, like, the longest week ever.  J, I can tell you now that he's landed and will be home before the day is through, was out of state.  And as happens EVERY DAMN TIME I permit J to leave the state, his return flight doesn't, you know, ACTUALLY RETURN.  So a two day trip turns into a three or a four day trip and my sanity turns into OMGINSANITY.  I haven't blogged because I haven't had time to eat actual meals or fold the laundry mountain spilling all down the sides of our living room chair or wash my hair or pick up the twenty five hundred paper shreds from the books Vivi destroyed and made rain all over her (dump yard) bedroom.  So when I get the three into their beds after chasing them into the tub and coaxing them out of the tub and wrestling them into pajamas and brushing every one of their teeth and BLABLABLA, I stumble in a daze back downstairs and look at all the messes and then I'm like "ice cream" and then I'm like "wine" and then I'm like "zzzzzzz" while a documentary plays to an empty room on the Kindle in my lap.

So while I'd like to tell you our week was all sunshine and good times like so:
The above moments, while lovely, were the exceptions.  This, in fact, is the more accurate portrayal:
lunch is bullshit.
teething is bullshit.
markers are bullshit.
wine ... not bullshit.
Phew.  It was just so long.  And I'm just so tired.  Because did I also mention there was puking?  And a new tooth?  And some shat pants at the library?  And zero points and too-short naps and a child who is waking up 15 minutes EARLIER each and every day than the day before?  I just ..... I just need a break. Blah.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

in which i'm oprah

Please excuse the post I'm about to regurgitate from Instagram and Facebook like a lazy spambot.  I'm just so tired, ya'll.  Real and original words, they're unavailable at this moment.  I mean, I want some Ben & Jerry's and can't even bring myself to get up off the couch and drag myself into the kitchen to spoon it up!  Too!  Much!  Work!
"YOU get an ear infection!  YOU get an eye infection!  YOU get an ear infection!"  i'm like oprah, but with infectious diseases instead of pontiacs.
(after spending a couple hundo on a pedi visit and meds and boogie wipes and homeopathic voodoo drops i'm sure won't do a thing because hippies are LIARS.)

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

there was glitter on the floor

Oh, you guys.  Mabel.  She's a MESS.  A boogery eyed, boogery nosed face only her mama could love.  Like, for real.  Even the ever-loving Vivian was like "MOM.  Her FACE.  It is SO.  Gross."  We're headed to the pediatrician if tomorrow morning looks like this morning, when I got her out of her crib and found dried up chunks of eye boogers like, everywhere.  You're so very welcome for that visual.  You're also very welcome to send a personal check to the "Winter From Hell Medical Bill Fund."  (Or not, whatever, just saying.)  (If my cats starve to death IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.)  She's had the worst winter ever, our Mabes.  Unless you ask one of my very funny friends, who said to me this morning: "Poor MG has had the worst winter EVER, except like the first one when the colonists didn't have food and shelter and all died and shit.  Only that one was worse."  I die.  Figuratively, not literally/colonially.

So after naps, we went outside.  Because spring in Colorado is amaaaaazing and also because it was that or start drinking wine at 3pm.  Maybe fresh air would clear the eye boogers?

When we were outside, some neighbors came by on their bikes.  Now that it's spring, we have neighbors!  Who go outside!  Because my kids are the most social creatures in all of the west, they ran to the end of the driveway to wave.  And the neighbors stopped.  And I recognized the mom because she happened to be the doctor who stitched up Anderson's face, so the mom and I got to chatting while our kids became fast friends.  And I heard Anderson invite the new friends inside for a granola bar.  Whatever, knock yourselves out, thank you for NOT offering this doctor's kids candy or cookies.  Except they were kind of gone awhile.  Until the bigger new friend came out and said "hey, lady?  Um, your boy?  He's playing with sparkles."  Vivi was right on the bigger new friend's heels, and corrected the new friend: "FARKLES."  The letter S!  It's so overrated!  And then, the littler new friend came out and was like "AND THERE'S GLUE."  So at that point, I said a hasty goodbye to the mom and grabbed the girls and ran inside and YOU GUYS, it was like a flippin' Ke$ha concert up in here.  I don't even have a picture because I was too busy being like "OMG SO MANY SPFARKLES!!!"  Do you know how long it takes to get a full bottle of glitter off of your whole entire kitchen?  A Doc McStuffins and half a Gaspard and Lisa, that's how long.

To bed, I said.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

she does, he's right

Anderson drew that picture of Vivian this morning.  The brown circle above the legs?  Her tummy.  The two smiles above that?  Her mouths.  Plural.  So naturally, I asked him why his sister has two mouths in the picture.  "Because she talks all the time."

In other "amusing things my kids have said" news, yesterday, Vivi was the first to wake up.  Which happens NEVER, so April Fools?  She came downstairs, found me on the couch clutching a tissue and looking all miserable, and said "mommy, are you still sick?"  I told her I was.  "And Anderson?  And baby Mabel?" Yes, and yes.  "Oh, my, this is just TERRIBLE."

And terrible, it kind of was.  My throat hurt, I couldn't breathe.  Anderson was coughing so hard he cried.  Mabel ran a fever and had goopy eyes and wouldn't permit me to remove her from my hip, EVER.  She threw up on me every time I attempted a full feeding.  Did I mention it was my birthday?  My crabby, feverish, all stuffed up and wearing pajamas covered in barf birthday?  Where my baby looked like this?
okay, i actually took that one this morning.
but it's a pretty accurate depiction of yesterday, too.
Dumb old birthday.

Monday, April 1, 2013

easter 2013

So what if our Easter was more about boogers and naps and fevers than baskets and church and friends?  So what if the perfect Easter outfits I put together sat untouched in the suitcase, in favor of jammies and jeans?  Sick kids and sick mama be darned, we had a nice one.  Quiet, with plans for friends to come out to the ranch called off and bottles of Chardonnay untouched in the fridge, but we had our awesome family and good food and managed to muster up the energy for an egg hunt in the afternoon.  A happy Easter, indeed.

be a buddy and just pretend i'm not in pajamas, mmkay?

my kids hit the grandparent lottery.
four times.

they didn't cause any trouble

Our friends came to visit last week.  Anne and King, college friends, half of the GTG gang.  Vacationing from Chicago in the great state of Colorado to see family, and kind enough to load up into a borrowed SUV and make a tiny (um, not) jaunt down to the SW corner of the state to see little old us.  Braving life threatening mountain passes, even!  It was all my kids talked about for days prior to their arrival, and the talk continues in the days after.  Breakfast is lonely.  There's nothing to doooo without their friends.  Big kid Adelaide is their best friend.  One morning after their departure, Vivi even renamed her doll Anne.  And Anderson was all "wait, who?" because he called Anne "Amy" the whole time she was here, and one of her kids called me "Brandy".  All 80s girls, same same.

Anyway, look how cute our kids are:

And look how mama looks after ONE (drugged it had to be!!!!) margarita on our night out.  Where I introduced my local bestie to one of my faraway besties and it was like a big awesome bestiefest.  ON SALE.

Poor Anne Jr. done got hurt.
it's all fun and games until the medical bills come in.
Love you, friends!  Come again soon!